MY STORY People will give off warning signs that they have an abusive personality before the obvious abuse begins. An abuser is highly unlikeIy to start with obvious abuse such as name calling & hitting on a first date. How could they ever trap you if they did that? I started this site after dating a man who initially seemed like Prince Charming, but who very soon into the relationship would start to give off warning signals of what he truly was. Some warning signs were little, others much bigger. His behavior did raise internal red flags in me, but without knowing these were the RED FLAGS of an abuser I was quick to believe his excuses & promises. It wasn't until 4 months after we started dating that this man became outright verbally abusive, and not too long after that, that he physically assaulted me. I felt so stupid for allowing myself to get into an abusive relationship and wondered how I could've ever let that happen. I believed him when he gave excuses, apologized for his behavior, and made promises to change and seek help. I wanted to believe that he was the good man he acted like for several months in the beginning and in between the abuse. I wanted to believe that he was the great single father and soccer coach he made everyone think he was.
Once I realized he was emotionally and verbally abusive, I read several books about the subject of abuse in hopes that I could help him change his behavior like he claimed he wanted to do so badly. Through helpful books and websites, I realized that the warning signs that he was an abuser were there from the very beginning...from day one. The books I read said that most verbally and emotionally abusive people will turn violent. I did not believe my boyfriend would ever harm me physically. About a week after I read that, he assaulted me by pushing me, hitting me & ripping my clothes off when I refused to have sex with him. He also took the phone from me while I was calling 911. We were broken up at the time because of his verbal & emotional abuse. In the weeks previous to this incident, he had been extremely nice & apologetic, doing his best to win me back. I now know that the good behavior that occurs on the part of the abuser in the beginning of a relationship and after any form of abuse has occurred is all an act. I can only hope that at least one person visits this site and recognizes that they are in an abusive relationship before it turns into a living hell. Although I was only physically assaulted by my boyfriend on one occasion, I feel lucky to have gotten out without being seriously injured or killed.
Once you are in an abusive relationship, it is difficult to get out. Therefore, recognizing the early warning signs of an abusive personality gives you the key to avoiding the whole problem.
A healthy relationship does not make you feel sad, scared, and like you're walking on eggshells.
The RED FLAGS are there. You just have to KNOW them.
Keely Coons
Match.com user name jrj7629.
Helpful Links The most widely known source of information on abuse is the
National Domestic Violence Hotline.
www.thehotline.org
www.loveisrespect.org Love Is Respect focuses on teen dating violence and prevention.
www.domesticviolence.org
www.ncadv.org – The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s website contains current information for survivors and those dealing with violence.
www.nrcdv.org – The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence’s website features various publications and resources for organizations and individuals working to end domestic violence.
www.ncvc.org – The National Center for Victims of Crime information site includes materials on domestic violence, stalking and sexual assault.
www.womenslaw.org – Legal information website, including referrals and detailed protective/restraining order information, state by state.
Joshua ryan jackson